The Happiest Engaged Couples All Do These 5 Things

How to prevent wedding stressors from damaging your relationship

You thought it was supposed to be the happiest time of your life: you’re engaged. You’re in love (or you thought you were) with someone and now you’re getting married! Everyone is so excited for you two, but you are both stressed out of your mind.

It feels like all you do is argue about your wedding: the linen colors; the chicken or the fish entree; who is coming and who isn’t; and how in the world we are going to pay for all of this?

Getting married is one of three traditional “life milestones” (along with buying a house and having a baby) that historically put a lot of strain and stress on a relationship.

What so many think is going to be exciting — to plan a dream wedding — ends up becoming a nightmare. Couples are at each other’s throats over a million decisions they have to make on topics they have barely any idea about (if you’ve never planned a major event before, most haven’t!). Come the wedding day, so many couples are plain exhausted and disillusioned by the whole experience – and wouldn’t want to do it again.

However, there are couples that absolutely get it right. They are engaged and happy, not overwhelmed by stress. I’ve met them many times. These couples understand how to enter into this milestone of planning a wedding and enjoy the event – and being with each other – immensely. After working with over 1,0000 couples going through the process of getting married – here are the 5 common things that all of these happy wedding couples do:

1. Accept imperfect and don’t micromanage

Be flexible with your expectations and expect things to go askew. The wedding couples who let go of wanting everything to be perfect are always the happiest couples I see, every time. Don’t be *that* bitch and dictate to your wedding party and control every detail. Give room for unpredictability and let go.

2. Hire a month-of wedding coordinator.

Enlist and trust the wedding experts. These people have managed more weddings than you’ll ever see. Often, they are going to be one step ahead of the disasters and know how to prevent unnecessary stress. I know, I know, your friend just got married last year and is sure she can do it for you – but first of all: do you really want your friend working instead of enjoying your wedding? The reality is: couples who don’t hire a wedding coordinator are stressed trying to manage logistics they should never have to – and inevitably the family and friends step in to put out fires, which in turn makes the whole event less enjoyable (and at times, miserable) for EVERYONE.

4. Say no

Don’t ask or consider everyone’s opinions. At the end of the day, everyone will have a different idea and it may be too much to handle. Don’t do anything out of obligation. Nothing. If you don’t want a veil, don’t have one no matter how much your grandma dreamed of seeing you in it. It’s very easy for your wedding to be hijacked if you aren’t careful. And don’t listen to naysayers about something you do want! It’s not their wedding so if you want peacocks then have peacocks (lol I’m just making stuff up here but you get the gist)

5. Regular “no wedding talk” date nights

Don’t spend every minute planning. Do something fun and make a rule to not talk about anything wedding-related for a night. Do this often. Go to movie, bowling, ice skating, a trip to the beach—whatever floats your boat and brings out the kid in you both.

Here’s the key: Remember not to put your wedding on a pedestal. In the grand scheme of your married life, your wedding isn’t as big of a deal as you think it is at this point. There are going to be SO many special moments that this is just going to be one of many. Don’t spend all your money and emotional energy on one day because you have your whole life ahead of you. Yes, you are going to look back on the wedding as a very happy day… but let’s be real: there are rainy days where I’m just laying naked in bed laughing with my husband that sometimes I cherish those moments even more than my wedding day.